i created and validated the signs
long before i crossed the bridge
that brought me to you.

for miles and miles,
our paths converged in time
before Truth could no longer control the urge
to pluck my head out of the clouds.

only then could i see clearly, without barely a doubt…
we were running out of road.

“seek and you shall find”
wasn’t exactly supposed to work like this
but now in hindsight
i see the signs created and validated by Another
that it worked just perfectly fine
helping me find the path
that leads away from the bridge
that dead ends to you
all over again.

Copyright © 2009. ashe.selah


Breaking Down the Stage

March 10, 2008

It was a pretty cool morning. The day got off to a great start…scratching to-do’s off my list left and right — ahh yes, productivity (for a change). While cleaning up the kitchen, my lil sister calls.

“Hey girl…real quick. Do I have to clean the carpets? I got this carpet machine thing…”
“Yeah. Clean the carpets. He doesn’t install new carpets after every lease…that was just a favor for us.”
“OK then.”
“So, when you leaving?”
“Turning in keys today. Should be about 2 more trips in my car to my new spot.”
“Hey sis…listen…you came through like a hero, girl, and the whole family owes you a huge THANK YOU for all you’ve done.”

See, last year when we made the decision to take Daddy out of nursing care in L.A. and take care of him ourselves in the ‘A’, somebody had to step up and be his live-in caregiver. Somebody had to give up their freedom and comfort…life with no kids, and very little responsibility to anyone else. Someone had to put off school for a year. Someone only got to hang out late with the girls when there was “coverage” at the house for Daddy.

My sis is nothing less than a priceless JEWEL! I Love her!!!!

Before I could push the “End” key on the phone, I was boo-hooin’. Why? Man, it just fell on me, ok?! Right on my heart. That was Daddy’s place. An eleventh hour blessing. A ram in the bush last year when we were struggling to find him a place to stay and hit brick wall after brick wall. A place right around the corner from my house.

Now, I have joked (??) that I wanted to move out the neighborhood. Passing by his street all the freakin’ time and he’s not there anymore hurts so bad. Makes the bottom of my guts cave in! How my sis managed to LIVE in there for a month and a half — let’s just say I’m glad she had the support of good friends…cos big sis would’ve lost it :)!

Still, I cried. Because the stage God so beautifully set for Daddy, the stage where it would all go down….It’s time to break it down….lock the doors…return the key. Now the house that gave me the creeps when I went over, I wanna run over there, sit in Daddy’s room, and just………… {sigh}

Ever notice that when it’s time for you to move on, God breaks down every section of the stage…the nuts and bolts to every prop…and all the lighting fades to black. Hmm.

For instance, going from student to graduate…relocating from one city to another…single to marriage…all about me to mother/fatherhood…the transition of seasonal friendships. Sometimes we count change as a blessing, if it was a rough show lol — “Whew, glad that’s over.” But for those times we thought “The show must go on!” — it’s so hard to take that final bow. Oh the confessions of a student matriculating at Let It Go University™ lol.

Well today, we bow…again, as Daddy applauds from the stands in Heaven. We are so grateful for God’s favor and provision. Funny, I can still hear his words during our private panic last year, “Don’t worry, God is going to take care of Roy! Just watch. Now. I gotta go. Talk to ya later!” *Smile*