JDIP on Line 1

March 12, 2009

lawbooksYeah.  I see you callin’, and man have I been waiting to hear from you for years now.  How cool of you to stay on hold alllll this time.  Yeah.  Umm so…{twiddling thumbs}, why am I standing here frozen…watching the light on Line 1 blink?

JDIP.  I’ve wanted it for as long as I can remember…toyed with it in high school…got pretty serious about it during undergrad with consistent A’s.  A law degree.  My very own JD.  My love?  Intellectual Property (IP).  Trademarks, copyright, patents…which lead to technology law, entertainment law…ahhhhh luv it!  I’ve mentioned it a few times here.  What?  Number 1 of random things lol?  Today, all the wanting and aspirations came bubbling outta me…and then, instead of going with the flow, I later found myself paddling hard in the opposite direction…like tipping over the law school waterfall wasn’t that cool anymore.

You see, looks like there could be a (fair) chance of my job paying for law school.  The very thought sent me into sheer euphoria at first.  The year before my “journey” began, I’d been accepted to law school.  Later (much much later lol), I was sooo grateful I didn’t go and waste time and $$$, knowing the life/health challenges that were around the corner.   So, it was put on hold.

Now, healing nicely in mind, body, and spirit…rockin’ my 2009 reboot….my first thoughts were like “Wow, God…after everything, I get a 2nd chance at this thing?!”  I ran home to check on my LSAC account….still valid…expires end of this year..check!  Application deadlines for 2 schools in the A I want…there’s still time to apply for a miracle…check!  And all the while I’m feeling this beautiful favor….back of my mind I’m wondering (like a crazy woman?), “Do I really want this anymore?”  Shhh…don’t tell anybody who really knows me….they’d think you were crazy :).

But yeah, that’s me…having 2nd thoughts about law school.  I even went to the site of my school of choice…checked out last Fall’s syllabus for Contracts I, etc.  I’m reading the material on deductive vs. inductive arguments..informal vs. formal fallacies…equivocations and overextended analogies….I dig this logic stuff, but….hmm, enough to invest 4-5 years of my life…part-time,  evenings in law school, the intensity of year 1, still balance my job and family?

By this evening, JDIP felt more like a creditor calling than a missing love.  “I ain’t got it right now to give…I’ll call you when I do LOL!”

I dunno.  Right now, I’m really enjoying — breathing.  Balance.  Joy.  After three years of hell, I’d rather spend my nights creating words (poetry, book) and music….watching comedy’s with hubby, eating stick pretzels in the bed…laughing…enjoying life without extra, unnecessary pressure.  So, why does the choice to chill feel like I’m cheating myself?  Like I’m giving up on my dream?  Letting the passion die?

Welcome to your first struggle test, girl.  Remember my struggle confessions.  Well, I’m in hot pursuit to find a way to cut this struggle short…cos I’m really strugglin with this.  Hubby, Mama were ecstatic when I told them…so was I, then…but now….reality…I dunno.   I really need to assess all that I’m feeling and be honest with it…even if it feels weird, or different from old me.

What I DO know is this…law school costs too much in and out of the pockets to go at it less than 100%.  So, maybe I’ll just keep breathing….and the missing 10% will find me again, OR…

Maybe not.  We’ll see…..this is crazyness…….{sigh}.

asheselah

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4 Responses to “JDIP on Line 1”

  1. Kafo Says:

    hmmm
    i don’t think i have ever wanted a career as bad as u did growing u
    so breathe in breathe out
    i think it is the same jitters married people get before they walk down the aisle

  2. ashe.selah Says:

    i dunno kafo…there were some interesting truths to why i chose law in life…came to me as i was sketching out the character for the book…sortin’ it all out man…

  3. disgodkidd Says:

    hmmm


  4. […] law school application was due 11:59pm last night.  I named that tune at 11:54:43pm LOL!  It was an extremely rigorous […]


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