Fast Hearing, Fast Direction

January 24, 2009

lensflare_and_bird_2Tis the season for corporate fasts in churches around the nation, and probably the world.  We’re on day 4 of 10, and let’s just say it’s been interesting so far.  I didn’t go the no food route, and the Daniel fast feels a lot like normal life to me, being vegetarian.  But, I am (trying) to redirect my energy and focus to more prayer and meditation…fact is I need it.  There’s a lot of guidance and direction I need, and if I can stop feeding my flesh for a sec and beef up my Spirit, there are some benefits I’m looking to reap.

While I’ve cut out most TV, and we’ll see how it goes Monday when 24 comes on lol, I’ve replaced it with even more reading.  Right now, I’m consuming The Shack — about mid-way done…and I love it!  The book has been really opening my eyes to the way we have perceived God, life, things…and frankly, most times, we’ve been a tad off.  God’s longing for relationship with us, His endearing love for humanity is hard to grasp in a world boiling with heartache and tragedy.  But the universal message of God’s love is endearing and needed.

Not to give it away (it’s on the back cover), but I grappled hard with reading the first part of the book….about the daughter’s abduction.  There’d been an overwhelming sense of anger and guilt inside of me…there’s a cool healing there now, but it used to burn whenever I heard about child abductions on the news, etc.  Anger in the form of “God, why would you let that happen?”  Guilt in the form of “God, why did you allow me to eventually get away, and not them?”

Here’s a picture of my personal dilemma with what I’ve labeled good vs. bad.  What if God’s position on this thing is…”If your bad experiences bring My goodness to light, as Healer, Deliverer….If 1,000 people grow, heal, change from what was labeled ‘bad’, was that thing actually, inherently good?”  My Spirit is open to a resounding YES, but my humanness still wavers sometimes.  I’m looking for fast hearing and direction.

Here’s a quick guidepost from God that rocked me in the book (paraphrased):

“Trust is the fruit of a relationship where you KNOW you are LOVED.  You cannot TRUST Me, because you don’t truly BELIEVE and KNOW that I Love you.”

Sure, we run off with we know the plans He has for us…to prosper us and do us no harm, but do we really believe that, those times when our world is crushed under the weight of great sorrow and pain?  Does He still Love us then?  Does a reverberating Yes drip effortlessly from my lips?  No, but it does come crashing to the ground as my Spirit wills my flesh not only to comply, but to die.

What else?  Oh yeah.  In my plight to speak to the dry bones in my health, of course my womb and back are on the forefront of my mind.   I do believe in Divine healing, I long to experience (again) that beautiful testimony “..and the doctors couldn’t find it”, ya know?  Fact is, the docs are waiting for my phone call right now to schedule surgery.  And I don’t wanna, man lol!  Sure, surgery can be a healing tool….I’m just not sure if it’s the tool I need in my hand right now.  I need fast hearing and direction…

And then…there’s that place.  You know the one.  That secret place where my ugliest of ugly vices, my super stubborn character flaws congregate on the reg.  I’ve stood looking at this spot…with a bucket of soap and water.  Sometimes, I want to wash it…sometimes every sense in my body falsely declares it beautiful.  For these places, only the Master Cleaner will do, folks.  So, I’ve taken my finger, and through the dust and the dirt, I’ve written across the windshield of my heart, “Wash Me, Please!”

Who wants to reboot life, and jump off in the wrong direction, false purpose, and wasted energy.  Certainly not this chic *smile*…I’m on a mission!



3 Responses to “Fast Hearing, Fast Direction”

  1. disgodkidd Says:

    *smile* i love the way you write.

    24? its coming on air again? yayyyyyyyyyyy! i cant wait to get the DVD down here. infact, i think i’ll begin to dust off my download tools.

    we(church) did our own 3 day fasting and prayer just before the new year. it was a time for me when i hardly heard God’s voice, and i heard only one scripture while i fasted. Incidentally, it turned out to be a key scripture related to Pastor Chris’ new year message. So, looks like am on track.

    Believing that God loves me is a very conscious effort for me these days. But its getting clearer daily.

    How’s our book coming along?

  2. ashe.selah Says:

    Dude! “The following takes place between…” LOL! Ya gotta get ready for this season…real good stuff :).

    Sometimes all it takes is ONE word, one sentence that’ll make all the difference in the world to your spirit. Plant it, nurture’ll be surprised at what a simple seed can grow. I know I am *smile*.

    You know, just as I’m dodging the book birth…there you go LOL! PLEASE keep holding me accountable…I’ve got some writer’s block pain, but the thought of leaving it in me hurts just as bad — or worse! A very uncomfortable situation, but I keep telling myself – I WILL finish what I start!

  3. […] of struggle and my seemingly endless love affair with it rested on me big time…during this season of introspection.  Moms didn’t help the case either, or rather, she cracked the case wide open during one of […]

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