Porn-No!

August 19, 2008

Wow. It’s a bit much to handle sometimes. How the same blood can flow between people, but they really don’t know each other. Same parent, same gene pool, but they’re actually from two different worlds…kinda.

One of my sisters (Dad’s side) called me tonight. I don’t think we’ve spoken verbally since the funeral…just texts, e-mails, etc. When I saw her name come up on my phone, I was so elated….I really do miss baby sis since we’re on the opposite sides of the country….east coast/west coast. The convo went a little something like this…

Me: Mmm hmm…who is this? (jokingly)
Sis: Hey girl, what’s up?
Me: Hey chic…what’s going on…u good?
Sis: Yeah, everything’s fine. Hey, do you still do websites?
Me: Umm, not as much freelance, the schedule’s real tight these days…why?
Sis: Well, I told my friend about you…He needs a site done.
Me: Oh yeah? What kinda site does he need? (Meaning heavy graphics, database-backend, security features)
Sis: What kinda site? Umm, well..um..it’s an adult entertainment site.
Me: A who?! A porn site?!
Sis: Yeah man…look I’m trying to hook you up with this money. (large sum)
Me: Girl, I can’t design no porn site….all money ain’t good money….

We continued on…I switched up the convo, changed the subject to the kids, life in general…She couldn’t believe I was gonna pass up all that cheese. Then again, she probably won’t believe the history I have with porn (and with who) either….

No judgment on her, but the audacity of the request borders the ludicrous. Porn is my enemy, and I have to treat it as such with zero fellowship. Why you ask?

Even at thirty-something, I can still remember the first images I ever saw as a child. “They” turned the pages, I giggled and pointed. Folks, there are just some things a young, impressionable mind does not need to be exposed to…what the?. They knew better. What I didn’t know, at such a young age, is that I was actually in training (for their use)…and what I was looking at was my handbook.

Jump into the teens and twenties, the images and their impact don’t just magically disappear from the psyche. They actually take on new meaning…a mature evil after having some time to fester. Porn no longer had to be force fed. I often craved the poison, the weapon used against me. I like you now…I want it..it’s not that bad.

Me? Sell out to make a porn site? The erotic marital tool sure to jumpstart any hot evening. It’s fun! It’s funny. Adds spice! Takes your love life to new heights of pleasure! That is, until it’s hot and spicy, addictive nature sears the fringes of the marriage…spawns long seasons of depression and anxiety as we both try to shake its pull, but we want the high. And then, there’s this huge wrinkle — didn’t I decide to press towards the HIGHer calling which is in Christ Jesus?

I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in any of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is calling us onward—to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back. Philippians 3:14

Sometimes I hate when God asks me questions. Especially when He’s driving me away from something my ‘me’ wants to do. When the fun is over, every climax to be had is had……How can you, in good conscience, tell that porn star about Me? Could you look them in the eyes, and share the Love of Jesus after what you took pleasure in?

And knowing the righteous judgment of God, that those who commit such things are worthy of death, they not only do the same, but have pleasure in those who do them. Romans 1:32

Porn is my enemy. Was introduced as a sheep, but it ravished me like a wolf physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Does that truth make it easier to stay free from it? Most times. Do I get tempted…does it take work to stay free? Yep, you bet.

So, what in the world was this? Integrity test…moral test? What are the odds that someone would ask ME of all people to design a porn site? Funny. Yeah, I really could use thousands to pay off a few things (man lol). And I’ve got the skills to pay the bills. But I’ve also got the scars from paying the high price of porn. They remind me of healing and freedom, for which I wouldn’t trade for any dollar amount in the world. Ashe.Selah

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2 Responses to “Porn-No!”

  1. Sandra Says:

    Kudos to you! To turn down money that you feel violates your core being is a testimony to your strength and character. You know what; Money will flow to you from other sources. Peace 🙂

  2. ashe.selah Says:

    Thanks Sandra…we all have choices to make…to stand or to compromise. I haven’t always passed my personal tests…so glad to get an A+ on this one *smile*.


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