Moving Forward, Waiting For Reverse

What lies behind me, calls before me. Only bigger and better.

Better. I love the sound of that. It’s been a min since I’ve done a health update. Sometimes, not talking about stuff gives you that well-deserved reprieve from the facts, while you do your very best to invest energy into the Truth. Truth is….there is a healed and whole “me” I’m catching up to….mind, body, and Spirit. We’re very close to each other…I can feel it :). I cannot find words to explain how I long for “us” to stand in the same place and time…..in purposed Time.

Facts? I’m in what I found out last week is called the “waiting period”. Are the cells gonna keep turning left or veer right?

I mentioned after the 4th that I was gonna try a new health regimen. I’m actually on day four today. Decided against massive doses of hormones…ugh….and now I’m taking crisis doses of cell food. Huh?

I’ve decided to address my health at the root…the cellular level, and give glyconutrients a try. Glyconutrients are dietary supplements made from plants that contain essential sugars needed for optimal cell-to-cell communication. Miracle cure? Nah. But with the declining nutritional value of our food supply, hey, why not give my cells a boost with with pure, natural cell food. It costs a grip, but it’s better than my alternatives. So, here’s to the next 4mos of waiting, watching, and praying….while my cells eat right….a powder plus 16-20 pills a day…from antioxidants, to supplements for women “issues”, to intestinal and colon-based supplements. Sounds like fun, huh lol?

When I was in FL planning my new regimen, the family friend asked what was going on…what were some of the diagnoses. While I was able to communicate the word fibroids and other dis-ease within my creative center, when I got to the words pre-c_____ to describe the cells as the doc had, man, I lost it. My throat got tight…I tried so hard not to cry, to be strong and walk this leg of my journey like a champ. Then I remembered, I’m not Superwoman anymore. And I’m not hiding how and what I feel anymore. She said the words for me…..it was like if I said the words I would immediately drop dead (that’s what I felt). It’s just that….6mos ago, I watched that disease consume Daddy from a front row seat…an evil thing, it is. Pre- or not…I don’t want that word near ME…don’t EVER use it in the same sentence with MY name! Not miss never-been-sick before (other than colds/flu, kid stuff like chickpox)…before the world caved in.

I was actually looking at dates recently. When did these cells turn south? My last annual test before May ’08 was in ’06…everything was normal, healthly, nothing to report. By the summer/fall of ’06, I had lost it mentally, emotionally….broke down…and apparently my body began the process of “your wish is my command”.

Some may not get this…but I am where I am in my health because of what I created in my mind, body, and Spirit. No, don’t take that as I’m beating myself up, because I know it was created out of ignorance, I didn’t know how to handle everything I was going through (and would go through in 07 and 08…what a ride). I’m a stubborn chic..relentlessly pursue what I want…and when I decided to die, I put ALL my energy into secret planning and preparations. Ya think my body wasn’t taking notes? It was. Am I writing my book so that others can take away something from my experiences? I am.

I believe God has this big ‘ole eraser lol…He’s given me back my mind, I’m functioning a whole 170 degrees better than those horrible days (a minuscule 10 degrees are under construction..Woohoo!…He’s got those too). What’s worked for the mind can work for the body.  Abnormal cells of unknown origin?….if I can create chaos, don’t I also have the power to create harmony, wellness, and balance?….Is there any mess too big for God, who IS Love, to clean up? Anything too damaged to reverse the harm and make it even better than the former?

For now, I wait. Most times patiently and faithfully. Other times tearfully in doubt and fear. This is all so new, so scary….and I’ve never had to exercise Faith like this before. First week in November, the wait is over…and we’ll see where things are. Regardless, I believe God is able to do what frankly I cannot see…not right now, not yet. Ashe.Selah