Sistine Dreams on a Crayon Budget

June 30, 2008

I’ve been in this place for a second, a funky place in a small, but important space in my life. Been trying to figure out how to write about it, in a way that honestly describes what I feel, without shooting TMI into the veins of my blog…hmm…let’s see.

I thought about who I’d go to for perspective on this off-kilter feeling, this frustration in which I grapple for shreds of gratitude, nonetheless. One morning last week, the perfect subject came to me — Michelangelo.

So, in my mind, I thrust ‘ole Mike into this nightmare of a place that mirrors my reality…just to see how he’d respond…and better yet, if he came back to ME for advice, what would I tell him?…how would I suggest he deal with it?

And there he sat, as prisoner. A prison more so of circumstance than physical shackles, locks, and bars. See, he’s commissioned once again to paint a masterpiece. Sure, he still identifies more with sculpting (let’s pretend he adores painting just as much), but after the Sistine Chapel, he has an intimate knowledge of creating visual masterpieces, of reaching heights in his craft that very few people achieve in a lifetime. He’s excited about the project, spent years of time and money in preparation. But, with the final budget Pope-approved, and the perfect crew assembled, a debilitating disease cripples his hands. He still has movement, but overall, he’s heartbroken. “But, hey, don’t worry Mike. In lieu of the masterpiece, here’s an 8ct. box of crayons with red, yellow, green, blue, brown, black, orange and purple. Just do what you can, it’ll still be a masterpiece, because it’s Michelangelo.”

The Michelangelo in me is screaming, “what?!”

I am filled with creative energy. A woman with deep thoughts, feelings, and a vivid imagination (can u tell?). In this space of reference, I’ve created masterpieces to behold, magnetic works of art with a connect that warms the heart, mind, body and soul…brush strokes where every bristle massages vibrant colors into the skin of the canvas, the vibrations of which I am truly one with….

So, maybe I’m spoiled in the fact that I get high off the grandiose I’ve known and loved, and 99 1/2 isn’t good enough for me to give. I want the masterpiece…not just a piece of what I’ve mastered. But, my hands are challenged right now. And herein lies the dilemma…how do I, having created and achieved levels of masterpiece, appreciate the simplicity of crayons?

Man, if I could’ve lived this anecdote last week, I’m sure I would have thrown that Crayola box across the room in a tirade. A sistah had had it lol. But, slowly, my Spirit is humbling, as God compels me to approach this thing differently. I wanna pick up the crayons I’ve scattered here and there, the ones I tried to step on and break…take a good look at them…rethink this thing…choose again. Umm, Ms. Creative, is your collection of paint colors and brushes the only way to create a masterpiece? Have I boxed my masterpiece into this one-dimensional thing…when I have the power to create limitless expressions beauty? Could I create something beautiful simply with the colors of the rainbow? Hmm…

What would I say to Mike (me)? Sometimes we miss the beauty in the journey of creating..the beginning, the in between, worried about the final product. Sometimes we forget how things could be worse, and how there are people who have learned to do much more with less. Then, there are others with paints and brushes at their disposal, but zero movement — and vice versa.

In every situation, we are all creators of our own reality, and I can either create frustration, imbalance, or a different kinda masterpiece. Let’s just say, I’m beginning to see my crayons in a whole new, creative light. And with 180 degree thoughts, I really ain’t seen nuthin’ yet. Ashe.Selah


4 Responses to “Sistine Dreams on a Crayon Budget”

  1. disgodkidd Says:

    am getting too busy to enjoy this blog these days, i need to do something about it. how are you doing and your family? girlfriend and i enjoyed your expresions of love, and look forward to making ours….LOL. u hvant stopped blessing me. I need to catch up.

  2. ashe.selah Says:

    Ahh…what’s up D. Life is busy all the way around bro, and though I do miss seeing your thoughts and cheers over here, you’ve got your hands full with newness and placing your energies where they are well needed *smile*. I’ll be here..till this season changes. Grace, Love, and blessings to you and girlfriend {big smile}!

  3. Jennifer Says:

    I love your extended metaphor here, as well as the continued feelings of positivity. Sometimes a change in perspective makes all the difference.

  4. ashe.selah Says:

    Thanks Jenn…i think it’s worth a try, see things through new eyes and thoughts…even if i’ve gotta WRITE myself to positivity *smile*…

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