Ain’t Nothin’ to It, But to…

May 14, 2008

Nike…DO IT!

Familiar phrase, right? Ever notice how when we say this, if we would reeally be honest, there usually IS more to it than just doing it :-)? It may not be fully detectable, but somewhere in the vicinity, there’s a hint of trepidation in the air lol. C’mon on now. If ya gotta itch, you scratch it. No need for announcements, dissertations, or tough talk…you just scratch!

Well, I told myself this past weekend, “Ain’t nothin’ to it, but to do it!”, and started the 6-mos meds regimen to diagnose suspect #4. With my other two options being shots or exploratory surgery (something feels all wrong about the words ‘exploratory’ and ‘surgery’), I opted for the pills…high doses of hormones where if the symptoms subside, I’ve got #4. Pretty jacked up the only way to tell if ya got it is to monitor symptoms. Earthly experts say there’s no cure for #4 (and no, I’m not talkin’ any shape or form of STDs)…I’ve gotta Divine specialist either way.

Okay, so here’s Ms. Natural…natural hair, vegetarian (who loves salmon lol), Whole Foods groupie, holistic health fan…poppin’ pharmaceuticals….{shiver}….this is soo not cool. I feel like one of millions of poster children…or maybe I’m the egg sizzling in the frying pan… “this is your health…this is your health on emotional pain, childhood scars.” Sometimes I wonder if my story will compel others to ‘let it go’ sooner…decide they’re not gonna suffer like this chic if they don’t have to. I would love to break it down right here and now WHY it has been such an uphill journey….as tempting as it is, I’ll save my life’s bizarre, Jerry Springer antics for later…..

Day 1 thru 3 went without a hitch. By the time I got to Day 4, some of the side effects started knockin’ on my door….feeling sluggish, bloated, crampy, yucky….boo! At Day 5, I stood in front of the kitchen cabinet where we keep the meds, vitamins, bandaids, etc. It was after 10pm, take 2 at bedtime. Leaning my head against the cabinet door, my mind kept thinking “I don’t want to do this…I don’t want to feel like this…I don’t want….” And while my mind was busy talking with itself, my lips moved, as if totally detached from my brain’s circuitry. In a faint whisper….. “I want YOU God.” The tears fell. It was like standing beside myself, hearing myself. Desperation speaks.

What did I do next? I told myself, “Ain’t nothin’ to it, but to do it!” And I took my happy nappy to bed lol — meds free!!

Who knows, I may be off the meds for only a sec. I dunno right now. I missed the doc’s call to re-evaluate this thing…tell her about the side effects. Did I cut loose too soon? Would things have gotten better over the initial hump? I know, hubby, God works through meds too. I just don’t know what to do, so — I’ll be still for a min…do nothing with the meds till I do.

Guess that’s one of the great things about life — freedom to Choose. Whenever we’re in doubt, as long as we have breath, we can always CHOOSE AGAIN. Change positions, shift our energies…until we find our way, our peace. Boy can I apply the principle of ‘choose again’ to so many areas in my life (whew). And as far as choices are concerned…sure, there’s alot TO them, but it’s only relevant if we DO them. Kinda gives mad respect to that Nike swoosh….Just do it :)!


4 Responses to “Ain’t Nothin’ to It, But to…”

  1. Cynthia Says:

    Your strength is amazing and your attitude, wow.
    I’ll pray for you, keep going. Go with God and your strength and sometimes, rest when you need too.

  2. ashe.selah Says:

    Hey Cynthia! Thanx, I appreciate you. That’s the beauty of writing for me…it allows me to create/maintain strength and a positive attitude with thoughts and words. I’ve gotta eat my blog daily..sometimes 2nds and 3rds til I feel it lol :)!

  3. […] I’m outta theories and test plans, doggone it, I guess I’ll be (re)starting the regimen later this month. I gave it my best fight (ie. resistance). Need I say how ticked off I am right […]

  4. […] a new path for my health regimen. Let’s just say this direction gives me so much more peace than what’s currently on the table (more in a future post). Not much pain and very few symptoms over the past […]

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