It Takes More Than One Dot

February 27, 2008

connect.jpg…to see the big picture. Maybe more than twenty dots. Just depends. But I guarantee you, when the last dot appears, and you draw that final segment to “End”, clarity will jump out at you like a jack-n-the-box lol. Puzzle solved. The big picture revealed.

Was that me in the last post? Admitting my complexities and my need to shed every cover-up? Yeah, man, that was me. Know what? Freedom to be me is beginning to feel more and more wonderful by the day, week, and year. Why?

Because I was the biggest FRAUD! Queen Faker from the land of Perpetrators lol! I was a regular client of Ben Nye. I had a mask for every stage. And when a mask wouldn’t do the trick, I built walls and fences that would make illegal aliens think twice. “It’s no use…we might as well turn around…no way we cross her border.” 🙂

In my pursuit of honesty, transparency, Truth…I dropped a “last dot” on an old friend this week. She’s a proud, card-carrying member of my ride-or-die crew (> 20 years of friendship). She’s a sisterfriend who I adore to the white meat lol. It wasn’t until this year, after so long a time…after all the college dorm room chats, I found the courage to share this last dot with her. A dot no other friend on the planet has connected to date.

As I shared myself, my experiences, my testimony….the fireworks went off in her brain. She listened to my heart and UNDERSTOOD now why I was the way I was…why I am now the way I am now….where I’ve been the last 3 years. The last dot closed in the picture of past relationships. She got it beautifully!

I will never forget her response to the “big picture.” Out of the blue in mid-sentence, she began to give thanks to God and said, “Girl, you should have lost your mind….you are an absolute miracle!” Wow girlie, really?

Many times we live our lives in our own vacuum, and the pain and challenges we face become our norm…a bizarre norm, but ours no less. One of my defense mechanisms was to downplay experiences, “wasn’t that bad”, “you lived..chill out”. But after the exchange with my sistergirl, I’m convinced…..this ain’t no “normal” everyday stuff I have to share. Someone out there is connected to me…waiting for my life example to reveal how God is still an amazing Healer.

I feel an even greater charge and encouragement to write my testimony. Birth my book. I desire to share my journey…Silence the silence, ya know? Make it plain for those who are suffering childhood trauma, through grown-up tears. Yes, there is Hope…and my dots lead to my hope in God. The big picture is almost complete….Ashe.Selah.


5 Responses to “It Takes More Than One Dot”

  1. This is my first time here and I love it. I will definitely be back. Very inspiring and honest-one can never have too much of those! Oh and thanks for your advice (also inspiring). The counselor warned me about that darned ‘mind reading’ in pre-marital counseling, so that hit home! ;). Be blessed!

  2. ashe.selah Says:

    Thank u, Lady…welcome to ya :-)!

  3. orneryswife Says:

    great post. If I could have one wish come true it would be that every person at every stage in their life would have a friend like you talked about that “gets” who we are, where we have come from and cheers us on to victory. Blessings to you!

  4. ashe.selah Says:

    I tell ya, TM. It doesn’t take 100 friends like that…or even 10 for that matter. But when you’ve been blessed with two strong ride-or-die-road-dogs like I have lol, God has truly smiled upon your life :-)!

  5. […] as an ox! Reason two has a choke hold on my understanding. How is it, that I can live life as a fake and fraud, got it together, all childhood crap dead and buried (so I thought) — and live a HEALTHY […]

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