Rebirth Story

August 20, 2007

I am two years old today. Today is my rebirth. A day forever engraved on my mind’s calendar. Two years fresh out of my self-imposed prison. I didn’t even know I was a prisoner, serving time for others’ crimes. And I served my time gladly for 30 years. Until…

At the point where I could be sick and tired no more, God swung open the doors of my cell. And I just walked out, leaving sister-soldier behind. I wanted to give Love like I felt it…totally…uninhibited…Trust and receive every gift of Love presented to me. From my cell, I got pretty close a couple of times, but everytime I tried to let Me go, I would judge Myself a fool, fear and mistrust would choke the life out of me, and I’d retreat to the farthest corner behind my bars to catch my breath.

I started with the one closest to me. Giving all of me. Finally. I didn’t want to hide bits and pieces anymore. I wasn’t afraid anymore, though I felt soooo late. We’d been married 11 years by now…he didn’t hold it against me. I gave all of me to my children, pouring Love over them til they questioned why was Ma so different… much nicer…this new Mom is much better lol.

My home was blessed with new me. I shared me with my closest friends. Now happy to sacrifice myself…honored to give me, not loan me with interest…just to make them smile.

I fully embraced my newness in ignorance of its ultimate purpose. Gullable. New and giddy. Little did I know, my prison break would have a cost. The doors swung open without warning. No guards with rifles drawn chasing after me as I walked through the gates. I was home free. I didn’t know it then, but I’d soon learn — Freedom wasn’t free! I had something God wanted. He had something He wanted to give me. And it was midnight. Freedom was the final blow to prepare me for an assignment I had to fulfill. Or die. God would reveal my orders five months later.

Against my will…shipped off to face the hell of war…The new me I was growing to Love, yearning to get to know — she became a curse in my eyes. So soft and receptive. The rough and tough me wouldn’t have fallen for it. She left me wide open for what God wanted to reveal….what He wanted to do with me and to me. And I resented Him for it. I hated her for it. By this time, prison didn’t look so bad. Heck, thirty years on the yard?…At least it was a familiar life..I knew what to expect.

In the end, my purpose did not include a monopoly on pain. I was Chosen to heal! And nothing could save me from the pain — but surrender and forgiveness.

Today, I’ve come back from that war, almost dying from friendly fire. Oh but for the grace of God. My construction site is still very noisy. There are days I wish I could still the clamour in my mind. But I’ve learned that everything is process. Judge nothing. God is finishing me, putting the final touches on the Me He brought to be two years ago.

He’s sweeping away the fine grains of sawdust below my extravagant woodwork…He’s making all of my chrome fixtures shiny…He’s ripping out the cheap stuff I tried to install, and replacing it with the finest materials…He’s freshening my character with sweet aromas that light up His countenance. He’s strengthening my Spirit to outgrow my flesh…And I’m learning daily (hourly? lol) how to let Him do so freely and without resistance.

He is perfecting everything in my life that concerns me — purpose, family, relationships, dreams, goals — and will not stop working until His work is complete (Ps. 138:8). I am nearing completion….Ashe.Selah.


5 Responses to “Rebirth Story”

  1. disgodkidd Says:

    freedom isn’t free…all i can say in tremor is “oh God…”

    how can He mirror me in another, just in time? coincidence, or God-incidence?

  2. asheselah Says:

    Well…they say we all mirror each other in some way…our good, our bad, both. We’re all here to teach each other lessons…I’m learning from you just as well.

  3. Helen Says:

    Happy Rebirthday – I mostly remember the date of mine, too!
    Have a blessed week,

  4. asheselah Says:

    Thank you dear one! Celebrate His wonderful works in your life =)!

  5. […] It’s a beautiful day today!! As celebrating any rebirth should be *smile*. I’ve told the story before. New me is 3 years old today, the 180 degree gal, and I’m learning and growing to Love her […]

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