I Matter, Too.

April 20, 2007

It would have been much easier…had I not rocked the boat. Resisted the need to express and explain. I could have gone with the status quo you quoted. I could have kept my feelings and emotions in their place. Right there on the back burner behind yours. That’s where I kept them – til now. On high heat without boil. There was no more water to bubble. Pot scorched dry. But at least I was there? Near. At least you were there. Somewhere. Should that have been enough? Take whatever was given. Accept everything. Expect nothing. Go with the flow of some energy…better than none?

It would have been cool. I could have held my peace. Sucked it up. Valued your wishes above mine. Healed without notification of harm. Had I not realized.

I Matter, too.



6 Responses to “I Matter, Too.”

  1. refinedone Says:

    Sis’ you do matter!

    we are useless to others if we ourselves are not strong, whole, able and comfortable with our “difference”
    ….No one said keeping it real was easy.

    keep strong! the process comes with its pain. but you will still ARISE!

  2. asheselah Says:

    Thx RO for ur words. Understanding reason, season, and lifetime in relationships does require a realness, transparency, acceptance of self. It’s beautiful [and nerve-racking lol] to be awake now. Awake to the fact that I’m undergoing a series of operations. Physician God is cutting away old patterns of low self-worth, the “I’ll give anything, just don’t leave me” [those days are over], and healing from every experience that produced this cancer. Ashe.Selah

    Growth hurts, but there’s a beauty to be revealed in me, even greater than I see right now, that’s gonna knock my socks off when He’s finished with me…just wait =)!

  3. refinedone Says:

    Girl you will be so shiny!!!
    There is a nigerian saying…The water you are going to drink will never pass you by”

    what is yours is yours….and when Father God says something or someone is yours… there no mistaking it is yours!

    hang in there in the “recovery room” you’ll soon be discharged !

  4. asheselah Says:

    Haaa! Luv it!! I’ll drink to that!

  5. […] they think I did, but I wanted so dearly to make it right…oh well!…thank you for the lesson, God bless!). He stayed…through a year of silence and solitude shut up behind the walls of my […]

  6. […] People, when God heals you from zero self-worth, self-love, needing others because they’re more valuable than you…He means for it to stick! For me? Even Especially when it comes to Amy, my benediction of chasing folks and judging my worth by if others stay. I matter, too! […]

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