Dodging Bullets with a Stick of Gum

March 24, 2007

extra_spearmint.jpgI love when the inquisitive bug bites my children. You can see the contemplative steam coming out of their ears as they try to understand life “back in the old days”. Back in the who days? Look here, your Daddy and I did not experience the Great Depression first hand..geesh! Get it together lol.

OK. So we’re in the car driving home from school…and you know if the bug bites one, the other is gonna start itching too. So, let the tag team begin! “Ma?”. First of all, I know the sound of that “Ma?”…and I’m bracing for what’s next. “Yeah baby.” “Have you ever touched a gun before?” [Whew…an easy one.] “Yes, I have, baby”, and proceed to tell him how Daddy has a gun for our protection from perhaps a stranger breaking in the house and such. [Next one’s turn] “OK. Have you ever shot a gun before?”. “No, I’ve never pulled the trigger on a gun before.” [Next one] “OK…But you HAVE been shot before, right?” My daughter has the memory of an elephant. “Yes”, and proceed to tell that story…again.

By this time, they’re on a roll! I don’t know what hit them…maybe the bug bit down to the white meat or something with this one. “Ma, have you ever been grabbed by a stranger?”

It’s funny how the smallest question can form the deepest crater in your heart. I started thinking… was I the fool who egged them on? Good Lord! How in the world can I dodge this bullet? Man, if I wasn’t driving, I probably would have run out of the car…door left wide open! Just playin…but I did get a runnin’ in my feet that I couldn’t quench in traffic. “Well…did you?”, the other chimes in now. I’m straight pent up in a corner. So I did the only thing I could think of in that moment.

“Hey!, you guys want some gum!” LOL! Girl, [I said to myself], do you know who these kids are?…you’re not gonna keep them at bay with Extra Spearmint! “Sure Ma!”. The tactic didn’t buy me 2 minutes lol. Between smacking on the fresh burst of sweetness….. “Well…answer the question!” “C’mon, Ma, tell us!”

I didn’t know whether to keep stalling or just spill the beans. All I knew is this incredible pain started creeping into my chest, suffocating my lungs. My bottom lip started to quiver as I blinked back the tears to their place of rest. It’s taken over a year of some really hard work to control the shakes, nightmares, manage my mental capacity, embrace release and forgiveness. Man…is this some kind of final exam that will get easier with time?

Out of options and out of time, I resolved to respond….”Yes.” In innocent unison, “Ooh, tell us about it…” I explained honestly that Mama didn’t want to talk about it. They not only graciously accepted it…My son responds with this look of knowing EXACTLY what I was feeling…”Too much horror, Ma?” “Yeah, baby…too much horror.”

We teach our kids to “always tell the truth”. Sometimes it’s difficult to practice what we preach…lead by example. But we must no matter how challenging the moments are.

How grateful I am to God….God be worshipped and adored!!…For my grandchildren will ask their parents about “back in the old days”…And as parents, my babies won’t be able to share the same stories I’ve experienced….Ashe.Selah


4 Responses to “Dodging Bullets with a Stick of Gum”

  1. refinedone Says:

    That is the prayer….May our children never have to suffer our pains or negative experience…but by His grace if they must learn lessons et it not be one we cannot be there to make it easier or less painful (the process is always necessary)

  2. asheselah Says:

    …in Jesus’ Name. Amen.

  3. […] “Mama is not perfect…we all have areas of improvement.” While they appreciate the honest answers, for example “Ma…have you ever said a curse word?”, this transparency may mean […]

  4. […] laughed}…Man, I can still remember being YOUR age!”  Now, this was no where near the juicy stories I’ve told before…but they began to think and tie things together just like they always […]

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