Humble Pie – Taste Great, Less Filling

March 6, 2007

Over the past year and a half, I’ve added large servings of a new dish to my diet — humble pie. Have never really had a sweet tooth. I’m a popcorn, pretzels, and chips (natural/organic please) kinda gal. Nevertheless, this “sweet?” dish is a must eat for anyone who has experienced a profound life change. What does change have to do with humble pie? Everything! Why? Because no one reading this right now resides on a deserted island, far far away from other humans. Any profound change we experience touches the lives of others, who often must decide whether to accept or reject the change…take it or leave it….love it or hate it… Really.

I have so many friends and loved ones who say, “girl, you’ve changed”…or “I don’t even know you anymore.” Oddly enough, I’m in the same boat with them, learning me, whether they realize it or not. For any comment or observation to this effect, I am eternally grateful. I was a mess, for real. A carrier of pride and hypocrisy. Extremely critical and judgmental. Couldn’t let love in all the way, and afraid to give it all the way. And you couldn’t tell me my doo stunk…there must have been a problem with your nostrils. Wow, God really had His hands full with me…the heart transplant surgery took forever (I wouldn’t surrender to the anesthesia)…and some days I still feel like I’m in the recovery room. Or learning to walk with a limp. No matter the reasons for choosing that pseudo-rugged exterior, hiding behind the lies of “I’ve got it goin on”…never mind the experiences that bred that demeanor, I have confessed and asked for forgiveness…expressed my total shame concerning old actions, thoughts, and poor judgment.

This is where I cut a slice, stuff it in my mouth, and do my best to listen without interruption. What are the folks to do who have put up with my shenanigans all these years? (Your feedback is welcomed big time on this one) It would be totally unfair of me not to give people time to get to know new me. But the place where I chew my pie harder and faster is when they exercise the liberty to tell me how awful I was, remind me of all the ways I used to be…things I used to say…like there’s now a penance I must pay, changed woman or not, until they’re satisfied. I had a black belt in beating myself up…I just don’t think I need their help.

I know I can’t put a timer on another person’s forgiveness, or their readiness to release me from resentment and anger. Like they couldn’t put a timer on my transformation. But it still stings like crazy. Love that allows you to begin again…here and now…is nothing short of amazing. Should I submit to being lambasted? Their hurts are legitimate too, right?. As I talked with one of my “victims” on this subject, sure they are welcoming new me, but cautioned that I grin and bear the difficult moments…suck it up…I brought it on myself…chalk it up to a product of my past choices and chaos. Ok…Huh?

Taste great…less filling? Maybe if I think positively, it’ll get easier to swallow. I dunno. What would you do? Grin and bear it? Reject the projection of negativity? Care?

The only thing I know to offer right now is Love. So I will Love unconditionally, show empathy towards others, live authentically and consistently in my newness, all while maintaining a balance of Love and respect for myself. Though my approval of Me is not contingent upon the validation of others, I do respect them and their freedom to choose….as I am free to do also — Choose. Ashe.Selah

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7 Responses to “Humble Pie – Taste Great, Less Filling”

  1. refinedone Says:

    The only thing I know to offer right now is Love. So I will Love unconditionally, show empathy towards others, live authentically and consistently in my newness, all while maintaining a balance of Love and respect for myself. Though my approval of Me is not contingent upon the validation of others, I do respect them and their freedom to choose….as I am free to do also —

    My dear I am so glad you ended that post with the above statement, cos i planned on saying exactly that…
    I feel you in your walk.. and growth..

    but my validation is only from God…all you can say and be is truly sorry to the “victims” but not let yourself be came one in the process…

    There is no condemnation in Christ Jesus…That is what I bring to remembrance when all fails 🙂

    Totally naked before God… wow! now that is the beginning of a beautiful journey. good to know there’s company on that bus!

  2. asheselah Says:

    It was like someone walked by my desk and hit me with a brick =)! Your words have rocked the very core of my being. I did have thoughts of going the victim route…”I’ll do anything to make it up to you…what’s it gonna take for us to be OK?”, but something about that is all wrong…it’s contradictory to my newfound Love for Me….and waaaaay off from how God sees me (through eyes without condemnation). I give thanks for you A…U r one of the best bus buddies I’ve never met lol =)!

  3. refinedone Says:

    …You are welcome 🙂

    Riiiiiiiiddddddddeeeeeeee!!!! Asheselah ride!! 🙂


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