Nothing But Questions, Anything But Answers

February 15, 2007

This cursor has blinked at me about a thousand times now. I’m sitting here at my desk, gazing past the screen. Tucked the kids in for a good nite’s rest. Hubby’s turning in early too. Wait. Cut back to the kids….wow, so grateful. I don’t even know why I’m writing, when I have nothing but questions swirling around in my head. Ok. Yeah. That’s why I’m writing. Because the questions are spinning faster and faster, and they won’t throw up the answers…maybe writing will slow this ride down….I dunno.

Why does God allow miscarriages? What purpose lies within an unborn child who doesn’t make it on this side? How do you comfort a mother and father after a miscarriage? Should you be extra funny? Will laughter dull their heart-wrenching pain, or is time the only healer? What words of comfort do you give? What do you do? What does the mother feel when she doesn’t feel anything anymore? What in the world?!

It’s really tough seeing dear friends plan their baby’s funeral. We took over some dinner tonite and just loved on them for a while. We both have 2 kids. She and I were pregnant together ten years ago with our firsts. Man, we were eatin’ buddies during our pregnancy LOL!…card carrying SEE-food members, closing down all the All-You-Can-Eat joints throughout the city =). Tonite, though, something on the healthy side.

God bless her heart…She’s a fellow “superwoman”. She can handle anything, doesn’t take alot of time for herself (because she’s so strong), keeps herself too busy to hurt and heal…Maybe she can put her phone booth with mine and we can have that bonfire. She almost choked on the words “I’m really hurting.” Man, what else could I do but listen to her, serve her, encourage her to feel everything she’s feeling…and really know that whatever it is, it’s OK to feel it. Give yourself permission and approval to be and feel U, girl! OMG! So, no churchy cliches, no forced laughter, no awkward silent moments (when there’s nothing to say, don’t say nothing)…just Love and acceptance.

So, the funeral’s tomorrow. I guess the longer friend-couples are connected, you experience it all…the births AND deaths, the joys AND pain…just a part of this thing called life.

How can our pain terminate God’s perfection? Still no answers…

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