Can’t TRUST This!

Trust is earned.  You can’t just go handing it out all willy nilly like a bowl of dinner mints.  Trust has to mean something.  It has to make sense.  Otherwise, it’s just comedy.

I don’t know where (or why) my mind started down this path…I was probably cracking a joke (#1) and came to the conclusion — nah can’t trust that lol.  And now I have this offbeat list…all for fun.  Feel free to add to it, question my motives, or second that emotion .

CAN’T TRUST THIS (Da na na na)!

1. A dentist with cavities
2. A blind gynecologist
3. Dick Chaney
4. A bank president with a 520 personal credit score
5. A pre-opened parachute
6. Cheesecake with zero transfat
7. Whoopings that hurt the parent more than the child (and I’m a parent)
8. “You’re going to feel a tiny prick”…before blood work
9. Pharmaceuticals that address 1 symptom, but “may cause heart attack, stroke, nausea, migraines, stomach ulcers, in-grown toenails, and death — only in rare cases.”
10. Single friends who tell married friends, “I wouldn’t put up with that…you oughtta leave him/her.”
11. Cops who pull over ambulances with patients
12. Hotel wake-up calls before a big meeting
13. A politician with a criminal record
14. Drinking water recycled from waste water
15. Management that passes my knowledge/work off as their own
16. A sharp shooter with one glass eye
17. A vet who’s allergic to dander
18. Financial counselors facing foreclosure
19. Mortgage loans with “no hidden fees”
20. The scale in my bathroom lol
21. A chef/cook with dirty fingernails
22. Fast talking car salesmen with wet armpits
23. E-purchasers from Nigeria using PayPal
24. Buffet bars without adequate glass shields
25. 1-ply tissue
26. {your turn}

Boom!

Wow. One of the most important…if not the most important post I’ll ever make here on Ashe.Selah…and the title is a four-letter word. Hmm…There’ve been other four-letter words that have led me to this point lol. My heart and mind have since replaced those with words like LOVE, HOPE, LIVE…very COOL.

So, today marks two years! Pause with me in applause… haaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh…not for me, for God’s grace. Jan 11th..1/11. Eleven…my favorite number. One, then one. Begin, again. So beautiful. I’m so grateful folks, I can barely type…ahhh!

Funny how I couldn’t see all this beauty two years ago when God made the announcement. I was right there on the floor in my cocoon, trying to figure out what was wrong with me. Couldn’t bee-lieve the bomb He dropped…with me as the target…a bullseye with my happy nappy smack dab in the center…

For on this day, I was Chosen. To begin the work…the process. Enough was enough. Time was up, and the me I’d known (and loved?) for 30+ years was to be no more. It’s so scary to break the silence…even on my little anonymous blog lol…but I can do this…here we go…Silent no more.

Today, I celebrate my Call to Heal — from all the years of child sexual abuse…endured within and without the family….in all its shapes, sizes, and colors (you have no idea how literal that statement is)…and its crippling effect on my life. Ashe.Selah

After the call to heal..what? Let the games begin! Ground zero went a little something like this…{clears throat}….”Oh how I hate God, let me count the ways!!”

You see, when you’ve become a master at disguising yourself and your pain, it is the ultimate betrayal for God or anyone else to pull the covers off you. Me and the pain had a deal, you don’t bother me, I won’t bother you (yeah right). A sistah thought she had that junk on lock…..hidden behind pride, a successful life, the “perfect” family/marriage, crazy toughness, the “S” on my chest, and the phone booth out back. How dare He?

But His Love never stopped. Even when I didn’t recognize Him as doing so, He remained closer than a sister. When my being changed, others dipped, left in violent silence (I may never know what they think I did, but I wanted so dearly to make it right…oh well!…thank you for the lesson, God bless!). God stayed…through a year of silence and solitude shut up behind the walls of my house…through every wave of excruciating physical and emotional pain…nightmares…torment…He thwarted every plan I made to curse Him and leave here (He has plans for me and this testimony)…since everything was my fault…I was dumb and foolish…I was to blame, and therefore unworthy of life…I was poison, and it was better for me to leave before my pain poisoned my family, esp. my kids (people, ya mind can really tell ya some things when it’s not clear.) Devil is a liar!

Only by His grace and favor…I didn’t abort the mission. With my verbal on stuck, He gave me the unexpected gift of writing…starting with poetry. Writing became my weapon! I’d scream into my pen and keyboard, in the middle of an empty room (or empty blog), before I let the silence smother me….before I let the pain deposit itself into one more cell causing another three dis-eases in my body.

I’ve worked so hard, sorted out so much with help, my family’s been so patient (hubby, no words can express), true sisterfriends have gone the distance, I’m growing in forgiveness, learning to Love and be me unapologetically…I give THANKS!

And you’ll get to read all about it…my truth and testimony wrapped in fiction. Some truth is stranger than fiction. Some fiction is strange and true. I am His scribe, listening intently for guidance on how to tell both…

My Dominant Spiritual Gift – Mercy

I had never taken a Spiritual Gifts quiz before (thanks Faraja!), and to say the least, I couldn’t wait to see the results. Funny, I’d always had others tell me I had the gift of Mercy. Especially my sister girl’s hubby…he’d say lovingly lol, “Man, both of you have the Mercy gift…so warm and understanding…me and A are here to complement your gifts…” Thanks, B lol.

I also took a personality test in college…I am an INFJ . It’s pretty cool that only 1% of the population are INFJs…really rare. And INFJs operate mostly under the Mercy spiritual gift. What an honor.

So, here are my results. I’ve copied them here and bolded text that speaks loud to me. Take the test for yourself, and let me know who and where you are gifted spiritually. Love & Light =)!

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The results of your Spiritual Gifts Inventory indicate that your number one dominant gift is MERCY SHOWING! The Greek word “ellco” means to feel sympathy with or for others. As a mercy-shower you have the Spirit-given capacity and desire to serve God by identifying with and comforting those who are in distress. You understand and comfort your fellow Christian. You enter into the grief or happiness of others and have the ability to show empathy which is to feel WITH others, not just for others.

As a mercy-shower you are willing to deal with and minister to people who have needs that most people feel very uncomfortable working with. You seem to say the right thing at the right time. Your personality is likely one of soft-spoken love. It hurts you to scold someone; you are very non-condemning. People love you because of all the love you give them. You find it easy to express yourself and are outgoing with a low-key, inoffensive personality. You are easy to talk to, responsive to people, a good listener, peaceable, and agreeable. You tend to make decisions based on feelings more than fact and like to think about things for a while before making a decision.

In your burden to comfort others, your heart goes out to the poor, the aged, the ill, the underprivileged, and so on. You tend to attract people who are hurting or rejoicing because you identify with them. Be careful not to let others use you. Try not to resent others who are not as understanding as you. Refrain from becoming a gossiper when you are around other mercy-showers. Do not let your circumstances control you. Because of your supernatural ability to show mercy, others accuse you of taking up for people, being a softy and a compromiser. They may think you are too emotional.

Mercy-showers make excellent counselors. However, left untrained, you may destroy yourself by your tendency to take people’s problems home with you. Your empathy can become detrimental without personal training on how to deal with it.

Beware of Satan’s attack on your gift. He can cause pride because of your ability to relate to others. He may influence you to disregard rules and authority. You may experience a lack of discipline because of strong feeling for those who hurt due to disobedience and sin. Don’t fall into Satan’s trap of complaining and griping.

HOW CAN YOU USE YOUR GIFT? Your gift is used best in times of sorrow and in times of great joy. It fits well with another gift of service such as deacon, youth worker or hospital visitation. With a counseling course, you could become a good counselor. You may serve as a hospital, nursing home, or shut-in worker; a funeral coordinator and provider of sympathy and support; or a poverty center worker. You would do well as an usher or greeter and welcome center worker or hospitality person. You may want to work in a telephone ministry. You would make people feel welcome on a newcomer visitation team. Other appropriate ministry areas include missions, committee member, furlough assistance, and correspondence helper. You would work well with the elderly and with people who have mental and physical disabilities, in nursing, and with special ministries to migrants, released offenders or abused children and women.